Warning: there is some rather unsavoury language coming up!
Yesterday my husband had to go to a conference for work, meaning he would be away over night. I wasn’t too upset, sure it would be a pain getting everything done on my own but seeing as I do most things anyway, I didn’t think it would be that bad!
The day started off as a dream, Coen napped perfectly in the morning so Spence and I made cakes, then Coen had a three and a half hour nap in the afternoon so Spence and I played Lego, read books and did some colouring. I got Coen up and I managed to play with both kids at the same time, I even got some cute pictures of them together- I was winning at mothering!
It was then, in the words of Murray Goldberg that one of my kids turned into a ‘Moron’ and the rest of my time on my own would turn to utter sh*t!
I made Spence dinner, he was excited about it, he sat down all happy, he picked up the pasta with his fork, put it to his mouth…’I don’t want it, I’m not hungry’…What the Hell kid! Even the promise of a cake afterwards didn’t persuade him- until 5 mins before bathtime, then suddenly out of nowhere, he wanted to eat it and was rather happy about it too!
I wanted to stick to the kids normal routine. Before Mark left, he said to me that if it was too much that I didn’t need to bath the kids and to put them straight to bed. But what type of mother was I if I couldn’t bath my own children?! There are lots of mums that don’t have their partners to help them at bathtime, what do single mums do? Not bath their children? Doubtful. They get on with it, because that’s what mums do! So we had bathtime.
Like dinner, it started off well. I managed to keep Spence entertained while making sure Coen was safe while getting the bath and PJs sorted. I got Spence undressed, he ran into the bathroom ready for me to put him in the bath, he stood next to the bath, looked up at me…’I don’t want a bath’… Are you f*cking kidding me?! Obviously I actually said ‘frickin’ out loud. I managed to persuade him to get in it. I went to undress Coen…’I want to get out’. Right, so out he gets and Coen has a bath on his own.
With the promise of being good from now on, I get Spence into his PJs, I read him books, I brush his teeth, he gets in bed, I give him hugs. I stand up…’ I don’t want to go to bed!’ Is this kid serious!! We do the same thing every evening in the same order, he knows its bedtime, I’m either going to lose my sh*t or cry but I manage to persuade him to go to bed.
I then take Coen into his room to feed him and put him down for sleep. I’m mid feeding when I hear ‘Mum, mum!’ Literally constantly! I’m mid feed so I can’t do anything about it apart from shout back. This kid is trying to finish me off! Luckily after a few mins he stops and by the time I have finished, he is asleep!
Then, to make things more stressful, Coen didn’t go down as well as normal, he usually falls straight to sleep, but not today, all evening I sat tense hearing him over the baby monitor moving around and making noises, praying he wouldn’t start crying.
As I managed to survive until the evening, I decided to treat myself to a pizza, a beautiful beautiful Dominos pizza! I ordered and paid online. Forty mins later, no pizza and the tracker hadn’t even got to the ‘bake’ phase. So I gave them a call and it turns out that their systems are down and have unable to make pizzas for the last hour but mine should arrive in about another forty mins time! Of course, this would happen to me today.
I finished my pizza, fat and happy and went to bed. The following things then happened to me overnight: Coen wakes up 20 mins after I go to sleep! I choke on my water! I change Coens nappy, get him redressed put him down and he does a poo! Two hours after I put Coen down for the last time, both boys decide it’s time to get up for the day- of course they would!
I go downstairs to make us some breakfast and find the cat has both pissed and sh*t on the kitchen floor- so it appears that everyone in the house hates me right now!!
This day better improve! xx